- Name: Sophie, Phoebe, Mindee, Celeste, and Esme Cuckoo
- Code Names: Stepford Cuckoos, Five-In-One, Four-In-One, Three-In-One, Thousand-In-One, Weapon IVX
- First Appearance: New X-Men #118 (Nov ‘01)
- Powers: Telepathy, Diamond form
- Teams Affiliation: X-Men
About
Identical twins are a bizarre concept for me. They are copies of yourself, and not just physically. The major influencing factors in life like family and environment are all the same. They are encouraged the dress the same and do the same activities. They can often pass for one another with only the most observant person being able to tell the difference. While they eventually grow into their own people, there exists someone who understands you deeper than anyone could. Someone who has lived in your skin. Grant Morrison tapped into that for his run by creating identical quintuplets with an eerie exclusiveness to them.
When Charles Xavier outed his school as a haven for mutants, the Cuckoo quintuplet sisters, Sophie, Phoebe, Mindee, Celeste, and Esme enrolled. No one knew where they came from, and no one seemed to question it either. They were a telepathic supermind of the highest order. They were beautiful, blonde, and immensely powerful, exactly the type of students Emma Frost was drawn to. They spoke as if they were one mind, not five and any attempt at individuality was met with derision from the other Cuckoos. Esme discovered that when she became infatuated with a new student named Kato.
Her sister’s apprehension was proven right when Kato revealed his true form. He was a shape-shifting amoeba named Stuff, and advanced scout of the Shi’ar Superguardians. The Shi’ar attacked the school, apprehending most of the staff, but the Cuckoos rose to the challenge by controlling Stuff and rallying the other students into action. They rescued Ms. Frost and help quell the duel threats of Cassandra Nova and the Shi’ar Superguardians. They became heroes at the school and quickly rose the social ladder.
They gained the attention of a young psychic named Quentin Quire, who became smitten with Sophie. For their part the Five-In-One thought something was off with the boy and wanted nothing to do with him. Xavier had planned to open the school to the public and the Cuckoos were sure that Quire was planning to make some sort of revolutionary statement there. High on the power enhancing drug Kick, Quentin did just that as he incited a riot at Xavier’s. They knew they had to do something. The teachers weren’t dealing with the root cause and the Cuckoos were afraid that a drug enhanced Kid Omega might be too powerful for even them. Sophie Cuckoo took a hit of Kick and jacked herself into Cerebra. The four other Cuckoos marched to the lawn of the institute, and with all their combined might, destroyed the mind of Kid Omega. It didn’t come without a cost. The psychic strain of the Kick enhanced telepathy mixed with Cerebra was too much for Sophie’s mind to bear. The Five-In-One were now four.
The Cuckoos mourned their fallen sister, even as their school commended their bravery. Their faith in Emma was shattered and they made plans to leave her tutelage. They believed that Emma inspired Sophie to sacrifice herself, to become a hero, and they wanted revenge. They psychically contacted Jean Grey and let her know about the affair her husband Cyclops and Emma had been engaged in. In the aftermath, Emma was found in her diamond form shattered across the mansion floor. The Cuckoos were obvious targets but they had an alibi, they were at the opera with Beast. After being interviewed, Esme suddenly decided the leave her sisters for good. Bishop and Sage confronted her with their theory, Angel Salvadore had been controlled by Esme. She had used Kick to control the psychic hivemind without her sisters knowing. She froze the investigators in place and got in a driverless taxi towards someone who would appreciate her.
That someone was Magneto (well, Xorn pretending to be Magneto pretending to be Xorn). He enacted his plan to destroy the X-Men and take over the globe for mutant kind, and Esme stood next to him while he did it. It didn’t matter how many people had to die, she wanted to be queen of the world. She felt self-important, better than the losers from the special class he had recruited she saw herself as his equal. He did not. Esme became fed up with this fossil of a mutant and tried to usurp him as the ruler of this new mutant world. She underestimated him as he pushed her steel earing through her skull. The other Cuckoos, for their part, joined Cyclops and Fantomex in the resistance against Magneto. They felt their sister’s passing but they did not mourn her. She had chosen her side and the Three-In-One had chosen theirs.
In light of everything, the Cuckoos decided to remain at the Xavier Institute. They were assigned to Cyclops’ Corsair Squad and became the co-leaders of the group. A revived Quentin Quire channeled the Phoenix Force to resurrect his dear Sophie, but she was immediately disgusted by him and decided she was happier dead. A fragment of the Phoenix Force found its way to the remaining Cuckoos and they seemed possessed, flying away from the Institute. On the school grounds, the corpses of Esme and Sophie rose from the ground. After Wolverine removed Sophie’s arm from her body, Beast made a startling discovery, the Cuckoos had nanotechnology in their bones. They weren’t all natural. The girls flew off a Weapon Plus facility known as The World and were met by an AI of John Sublime who showed them a room filled with hundreds of Cuckoos in test tubes.
Sublime captured Mindee and Phoebe, intent on bringing about his goal. He revealed that he had stolen eggs from a comatose Emma Frost and grew one thousand identical daughters from them. Their psionic power would channel through the Five-In-One and be used to finally destroy all mutants. They were Weapon XIV. Celeste avoided capture and the Phoenix fragment grew in her. The fire and life incarnate knew that the elimination of mutants would be disastrous. The Phoenix could not permit the Thousand-In-One to live. Channeled through Celeste, the Phoenix destroyed the test tube Cuckoos and turned on the Three-In-One. They absorbed the fragment and turned their hearts to diamond, trapping the entity within themselves. All it cost was their emotions.
The Cuckoos stayed with the X-Men, though theywere more reserved. Their telepathic abilities were applied to Cerebro and they were often used as the communications team at home. They followed Scott and Emma to Utopia, and stayed with them after the Schism. They were forced to attend the Jean Grey School after the events of AvX but they never felt like they belonged. They tried reaching out to Emma, but they couldn’t hear her anymore. They felt abandoned by the closest thing to a mother they had. When she went to recruit them for Cyclops’ revolution, Celeste mentally attacked Emma but was taken aback by seeing what Emma experienced in the last days of AvX.
They decided to join Cyclops’s school, they were sick of this new Jean Grey that had just shown up from the past and Quentin Quire getting popular didn’t sit well with them. They were a huge asset with Emma’s telepathy on the fritz and held their own against the powerful Xorna in the Battle of the Atom. They clashed with Jean Grey when the time displaced X-Men joined Cyclops but eventually learned to live with her. The Cuckoo’s began to stand out as individuals. Mindee decided to cut her hair and dye it black. Phoebe went red, and Celeste felt bitter that her sisters were growing away from her. When Cyclops closed his school the girls took the remaining mutants under their wings but decided they weren’t ready to go out on their own and rejoined the Jean Grey School. When the Terrigen Mist crisis occurred, they assisted Cyclops in recruiting Alchemy and were key in destroying the first cloud. Something didn’t feel right about the events, they didn’t think they happened the way Emma was telling everyone. The girls confronted Emma about it only to be rebuffed. They are currently living at the new Xavier School working to better mutant and human relations.
Must Read
The Cuckoos a pretty great for the entirety of Morrison’s run and Riot at Xavier’s is the best part of that book. The Cuckoos take heroics into their own hands and dominate every panel they are in. You get the Morrison counterculture goodness mixed with peak Frank Quitley art. It is the crown jewel of the one the crown jewels of the X-Men as a franchise and well worth your time and money. You can pick up a copy on Amazon for less than $5 so don’t hesitate if you haven’t read it before.
Rankings
The Cuckoos are great. Their eerie single-mindedness has made them some of the most interesting mutants in the X-Mansion. They are mini-Emma Frosts in all the best ways. They work amazingly in small doses, making them perfect for filling out the halls at Xavier’s. Our highest ranked Grant Morrison creation is Fantomex at 17 but I don’t think the Cuckoos fly that high, the lowest is Dust at 41 and I think the sisters go above her. Kid Omega at 25 has gotten better development since Morrison’s run so the Cuckoos will go below him but I think they work better than Arcade at 31. Legion is probably a more interesting character (and the show didn’t hurt) so the Stepford Cuckoos land as the new number 31 in the Xavier Files.
The Stepford Cuckoos were requested by Hunter on Patreon among other. Thank you for the request and the support. If you have a request for how about you send it below? If you want to cut to the front of the two-year long line, like Hunter did, we have a Patreon you can support Xavier Files for just $1 to get a line cutting reward.
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Next week we will talk about a guy cursed with one of the worst mutant powers ever. We got us a Beak!
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Zachary Jenkins co-hosts the podcast Battle of the Atom and is the former editor-in-chief of ComicsXF. Shocking everyone, he has a full and vibrant life outside all this.
